Did I say playoff predictions? Belated April Fools! The actual title of this article is “Because Chris CK is a lazy Fatosaurus Rex.”
Currently Drinking: American style pale ale (homemade).
The “void” between the end of the regular season and the beginning of the playoffs are a very dull time for me, and are probably the slowest days of the year. What do I do to entertain myself? I play old Sega Genesis games. Today, I played Mutant League Hockey and I didn’t even think to mention this until I came across a couple of in game gems.
I played as the Dead Things, a very clever parody of the Detroit Red Wings, right down to the player names. What struck me first was that the Dead Things had a defenseman on the roster named “Zitstrom.” He (it?) wore jersey #5. The use of the word ‘zit’ is fairly indicative of Lidstrom’s age. This game was released in 1994. But honestly, how awesome is it that that reference is still relevant almost 20 years later?
What really caught my eye, and inspired me to put off my predictions (insert a wry snicker here) was a couple other former Red Wings whose parodies I stumbled upon. Two defensemen: #3 Braisson and #2 McCriminal, certainly early 90s pun-based humor at its finest. But among the playful innocence of this parody, don’t lose sight of the fact that these are based on former Red Wing defensemen Steve Chiasson and Brad McCrimmon, both of who have since passed. Did Electronic Arts (yes…they made this game) know how significant that would be someday? I doubt it, but that didn’t stop my heart from skipping a beat when I saw that. It truly made me appreciate how even a spoof hockey video game can capture certain moments in time.
As far as the game itself (this is somewhat of a game review, after all), it uses the same engine as EA’s NHLPA 93. Not bad for a spoof. Fans throw weapons on the ice for in game use, goalies can be swapped out for “demon nets,” and the game is complete with its own set of goofy penalties (My favorite of which is the rule that fighting is only a 2 minute minor, but fighting and losing? You get 5. The NHL should actually look at that one…). There is definitely a learning curve, but when achieved, this game actually plays as well as any 16-bit sports game could. There’s something for everybody in this game, including the oft-overlooked feature of each team having its own unique coach with a unique personality (something sports games today still have trouble implementing). They pop on screen from time to time to give you a hilariously blunt assessment of how you are playing. Most interestingly, this game has been credited for being among the first to include a button reserved exclusively for violence (back in the A-B-C-START-SELECT days), a claim I can’t substantiate, but can definitely appreciate.
In summation, this game should be remade, now. It would be the only video game I ever play again, in fact, it almost already is. Maybe someday I will do a full review of this game, but probably not. And to anybody who felt jilted at the lack of playoff predictions: Fear not! I will have them up in time for the drop of the (not spiked) puck on Wednesday. But for now, I leave you with the wise words of my Mutant League Coach for the 2012 Stanley Cup Playoff:
“I’ve always enjoyed even games. They not only make cheating more fun, but also more necessary.” (see: Ryan Clowe)
RIP Brad and Steve (and any others I haven’t caught on to), and may you live on through your Mutant League selves.
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